Problems
Sunday, November 6, 2016
I'm not a criminal
Took Something Back
They just said someone isn't gonna do something they were gonna cuza how I was mad at the cars sending me negative messages about them.
Problems
I was outside and the cars and people were mean to me.
I tried to stare them down, but they don't listen.
Things were good, but I guess somebody farted.
They are playing around with the color of something I blog on, and it might mean something. They said someone I like is less and less there for the rest of my life, maybe, just because I said I was treated like a nigger in the same paragraph talking about someone and a situation.
I tried to stare them down, but they don't listen.
Things were good, but I guess somebody farted.
They are playing around with the color of something I blog on, and it might mean something. They said someone I like is less and less there for the rest of my life, maybe, just because I said I was treated like a nigger in the same paragraph talking about someone and a situation.
Apology
Sorry for how it happened, but "my mom was upset!" and it fell out of control. I should have left my mom. Let her alone. I just said no I wasn't mad and the other stuff I mentioned. I couldn't help sounding louder when I talked and so was she, seemed more upset than I sounded. Sorry!
A Strange Man
Also, someone was looking at me weirdly, badly yesterday. I just looked back not approving of it. He was Mongoloid, and I liked it. I didn't look when he reached me, but he extended his thumb like I liked he was Mongoloid. I just didn't approve of his looking at me like that, and I liked his race tho. People are acting like something's wrong with me.
A Sinful Way of Life
My parents think "that's it" for them if they can get at me for doing something they see I did as wrong, even if it's nothing that unusual. Then, they have a chain reaction, like there are conditions that make it okay. They go on to be mean to me secretly so I can't catch them but they still did it. They don't think of curse words like I can and if it happens to me by accident I get in trouble and they mess up some part of my life that's there.
I just asked my mom if she was tired to make supper, but she thought I was mad eventually. I know she wasn't making supper so I would have nothing to eat, but I didn't get mad about that. Who cares? She's the one who made it a fight. Then, my dad comes in. He secretly sends me mean messages, like that I can't feel anything good. That's getting into something with me.
So, my mom kept talking at me. I kept telling her to stop acting like she's teaching me a lesson.
I'm not in the mood for more cookies and not so much to exercise unless it's a walk with music.
Now, I also see connections with nice people.
People are just tearing down every little social benefit I have.
I get things, and people act like I deserve to lose things I don't deserve to lose. I never said anyone had to do anything.
My problems are so stupid. I am not learning from this irrationality.
My dad is being mean. It feels that he's not even, like, a factor in my life anymore, it's so ridiculous. I can see someone else taking a stand against this. My dad is bothering me. I don't want him to affect me like that.
They keep saying I just have a real problem like everyone else. Oh, no!
But now what? Someone feels bad, that's it. Everyone's at their feet. This is so weird. My life ruined cuza how she choses to react. I talk, but then I get the stupid idea that others don't want me to talk even if it's okay. Then, she's still mad. So, what? I can admit I was overly upset and I looked at her when I was cuz she doesn't care, but then she cares and is mad. I wonder if I caught onto this from other people. They aren't punished and put away. Some people have hard lives, and it's okay to be a little upset when things go wrong but not to be too into just yourself in everyone's situations. I mean, imagine if we always had a happy, false front but were being bad in weird ways to others?..
I dunno, I came out just to see what to eat, not mad but a bit outta control. I need to do something. It's not catching on. They just find some other way to make me mad. Maybe, I wasn't too mad in some way. It probably is the wrong reaction.
I was so proud at all the work I did today.
Oh, no! I think my neighbor is talking to me and telling me someone I know said I can't feel good about something. Because of this. I told you so. What? Am I just stuck? I started talking to the people spying on me. I didn't wanna go crazy, but I mean come on this shouldn't happen to anyone. Who is supporting this? or causing it?
What is this?
I said I didn't do anything that bad, but I felt bad. I knew this would ruin a part of my life. If it matters I deal with anger, they just try to bother me and I get in trouble and they don't for yelling. When I try to solve it, they say I'm bad because it happened and lingered on it. Talk about lingering on things that go wrong.
Also, my neighbors are mean to me secretly.
They are talking at me! Oh my! They keep doing this.
I wasn't saying there was a problem with nice people, but no one is nice to me.
So.. that's how that is. Things to talk about instead of just attacking me like I am bad and do bad things. I didn't go back to school after I felt people thought it was bad to fail but not on purpose. I didn't use store credit cards after I knew it was not a good idea. What's wrong? And they want me to have worse things done to me cuz I'm not as sensitive to punishment cuz I don't feel guilty and am not in a scandal. They just trash me and sometimes come up like nothing happened to refuel. My life has no promise to be okay. It doesn't matter cuz other people are messed up and think life should just be work when it probably isn't for them. They never stop "punishing me" in inappropriate ways, that no one does. I don't think anyone gets it, and it shouldn't have to be any of their business. Why did my mom have to go on? She saw me look at her during my struggle with loss of control of feeling upset and was more assertive, and that was it. She is right in some way, but this seems a bit weird. What now? How do I ignore this? No one else deals with a mad mom for no reason who's also Asian. Other people lie like they go thru a cycle of racism with me but seem to not have as much to say to me. No one is brilliant enough to help. I don't wanna lose anything. No one cares. They just blame me and piss on me as they go by in their cars. They don't want it to work out, in their subconscious and they always get out okay, like they have to and I can't.
Now, I'm just undercover for people saying if I talk about it a lot, it means "something's up." What? It looked like a fight and my mom was condescending to me. I said to stop teaching me a lesson, like acting all coy like I'm shit with an issue. I kept saying I wasn't mad, but she doesn't care about that. She just saw me when I looked at her feeling upset already. I don't know exactly what else. Well..
So..
I'm very sorry for this! I dunno what's to become of me if I mean anything to people, which I know there are a lotta bad people out there mean to me for no reason.
I just asked my mom if she was tired to make supper, but she thought I was mad eventually. I know she wasn't making supper so I would have nothing to eat, but I didn't get mad about that. Who cares? She's the one who made it a fight. Then, my dad comes in. He secretly sends me mean messages, like that I can't feel anything good. That's getting into something with me.
So, my mom kept talking at me. I kept telling her to stop acting like she's teaching me a lesson.
I'm not in the mood for more cookies and not so much to exercise unless it's a walk with music.
Now, I also see connections with nice people.
People are just tearing down every little social benefit I have.
I get things, and people act like I deserve to lose things I don't deserve to lose. I never said anyone had to do anything.
My problems are so stupid. I am not learning from this irrationality.
My dad is being mean. It feels that he's not even, like, a factor in my life anymore, it's so ridiculous. I can see someone else taking a stand against this. My dad is bothering me. I don't want him to affect me like that.
They keep saying I just have a real problem like everyone else. Oh, no!
But now what? Someone feels bad, that's it. Everyone's at their feet. This is so weird. My life ruined cuza how she choses to react. I talk, but then I get the stupid idea that others don't want me to talk even if it's okay. Then, she's still mad. So, what? I can admit I was overly upset and I looked at her when I was cuz she doesn't care, but then she cares and is mad. I wonder if I caught onto this from other people. They aren't punished and put away. Some people have hard lives, and it's okay to be a little upset when things go wrong but not to be too into just yourself in everyone's situations. I mean, imagine if we always had a happy, false front but were being bad in weird ways to others?..
I dunno, I came out just to see what to eat, not mad but a bit outta control. I need to do something. It's not catching on. They just find some other way to make me mad. Maybe, I wasn't too mad in some way. It probably is the wrong reaction.
I was so proud at all the work I did today.
Oh, no! I think my neighbor is talking to me and telling me someone I know said I can't feel good about something. Because of this. I told you so. What? Am I just stuck? I started talking to the people spying on me. I didn't wanna go crazy, but I mean come on this shouldn't happen to anyone. Who is supporting this? or causing it?
What is this?
I said I didn't do anything that bad, but I felt bad. I knew this would ruin a part of my life. If it matters I deal with anger, they just try to bother me and I get in trouble and they don't for yelling. When I try to solve it, they say I'm bad because it happened and lingered on it. Talk about lingering on things that go wrong.
Also, my neighbors are mean to me secretly.
They are talking at me! Oh my! They keep doing this.
I wasn't saying there was a problem with nice people, but no one is nice to me.
So.. that's how that is. Things to talk about instead of just attacking me like I am bad and do bad things. I didn't go back to school after I felt people thought it was bad to fail but not on purpose. I didn't use store credit cards after I knew it was not a good idea. What's wrong? And they want me to have worse things done to me cuz I'm not as sensitive to punishment cuz I don't feel guilty and am not in a scandal. They just trash me and sometimes come up like nothing happened to refuel. My life has no promise to be okay. It doesn't matter cuz other people are messed up and think life should just be work when it probably isn't for them. They never stop "punishing me" in inappropriate ways, that no one does. I don't think anyone gets it, and it shouldn't have to be any of their business. Why did my mom have to go on? She saw me look at her during my struggle with loss of control of feeling upset and was more assertive, and that was it. She is right in some way, but this seems a bit weird. What now? How do I ignore this? No one else deals with a mad mom for no reason who's also Asian. Other people lie like they go thru a cycle of racism with me but seem to not have as much to say to me. No one is brilliant enough to help. I don't wanna lose anything. No one cares. They just blame me and piss on me as they go by in their cars. They don't want it to work out, in their subconscious and they always get out okay, like they have to and I can't.
Now, I'm just undercover for people saying if I talk about it a lot, it means "something's up." What? It looked like a fight and my mom was condescending to me. I said to stop teaching me a lesson, like acting all coy like I'm shit with an issue. I kept saying I wasn't mad, but she doesn't care about that. She just saw me when I looked at her feeling upset already. I don't know exactly what else. Well..
So..
I'm very sorry for this! I dunno what's to become of me if I mean anything to people, which I know there are a lotta bad people out there mean to me for no reason.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)